


I Saw You Just Yesterday

by Consulting_TARDIS_Hunter



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: A Bit Not Good, Character Death, Drug Use, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Fluff and Angst, Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt No Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Bad At Tagging, John is a Bit Not Good, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sherlock is a Mess, Songfic, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 11:42:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14496219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Consulting_TARDIS_Hunter/pseuds/Consulting_TARDIS_Hunter
Summary: John comes over to check on Sherlock and they reminisce, but something is not right with either of them.(I'm bad at summaries.)





	I Saw You Just Yesterday

_Yesterday_  
_All my troubles seemed so far away_  
_Now it looks as though they're here to stay_  
_Oh, I believe in yesterday_  
  
I heard the door opening from where I was on the couch.  
  
"I brought some food for you, God knows you've forgotten to go out for it since I last saw you." John said, going to the kitchen to set down the bags and get everything in the right places. I merely grunt in response, listening to the song I put on.  
  
"What this then, the Beatles? Didn't think you were a fan." John's still trying to make conversation. Tedious at the moment. But I'll humour him.  
  
"This is my favourite song of theirs, makes you think about what you care about. Like a fire." I mumble, curling up a bit on the couch.  
  
"You feeling alright?" John starts walking over to me and kneels next to my head.  
  
_Suddenly_  
_I'm not half the man I used to be_  
_There's a shadow hanging over me_  
_Oh, yesterday came suddenly_  
  
"I'm fine John." I replied, a false sense of happiness coating my words, an equally plastered on smile accompanied it. I watched as he took in my appearance, if I looked as bad as I felt I was doomed. He shook his head with a small smile.  
  
"If you say so. Now, have you eaten anything since breakfast?" He asked, looking him in the eyes. He knows the answer as he goes to the kitchen to make food for us.  
  
I stay on the couch for a bit while he makes food, wrapping myself even tighter in my dressing gown. God, I wish it was like this all the time but all the same, we would get bored.  
  
_Why he had to go_  
_I don't know, he wouldn't say_  
_I said something wrong_  
_Now I long for yesterday_  
  
John finishes making food and basically drags me to our chairs, setting a plate on my lap since the kitchen is a mess. As usual.  
  
"So, have you had any cases lately?" He's trying for small talk again. Why? I don't understand why, he left and now suddenly he's back like nothing happened.  
  
"No, I would've called you if I did. As you know, I'm lost without my blogger." I know that was a bit of a low blow, but I can't bring myself to care.  
  
"I'm sorry I left, but she just, she doesn't like me living here and I love her." I looked at him in surprise, wasn't expecting that excuse this time. But they're always different everytime, and I want him to be happy.  
  
"I know. But if it doesn't work out with her, you always have your room here." I respond, not looking up at him as we start eating.  
  
"Thank you, I know it's hard without me here making sure you don't do anything stupid but I know you'll make it." I know he was smiling when he said this, but I can't bring myself to look up and I smile a little. Normally he's the one who won't look up when I'm deducing him.  
  
"I have so far, what's another day or more?" I try for a light tone, hoping it works. I guess he hears the pain in my voice because he changes the subject quickly.  
  
_Yesterday_  
_Love was such an easy game to play_  
_Now I need a place to hide away_  
_Oh, I believe in yesterday_  
  
"Hey, remember the time you went to the palace in nothing but a sheet?" John seemed to be laughing already and couldn't help but join him. "'Are you wearing any pants?' 'No.'" John is definitely laughing, I look up and it's like sunshine.  
  
"What about when Moriarty got a call in the middle of threatening us and just let him bloody take it? Jesus Christ that is one way to relieve dramatic tension." We both dissolve into a fit of laughter again. "'Mind if I get that?' 'Oh no, please. You've got the rest of your life.'"  
  
"How about when you threatened me with the mute button?" I chime in, trying not to laugh through my words.  
  
"Well you were already insulting everyone." John retorts, his smile fond as I smile a little brighter while shaking my head.  
  
"How about the time I spun you around while your eyes were closed to get you to remember the graffiti?"  
  
"That was just to get close to me wasn't it?" The giggling subsides at that, they knew what message underlaid that. No use lying now, with what's happened. So I nod and John's face has a subtle light to it, or I'm just projecting.  
  
Doesn't matter now.  
  
I go to reach out but decide against it, my hand just twitches on my lap.  
  
"Alright?" John asks softly, taking our now empty plates to the kitchen. Funny, I don't remember finishing.  
  
"As always." I reply, I feel the need to reassure him for some reason, even what's going on. What happened to us.  
  
"You're not a good liar, you know." He puts the plates in the sink and comes back out again, sitting across from me, unconsciously mirroring my position.  
  
"Never said I was, John." His name feels odd on my tongue. Wait. I know that look on his face. He's about to do something impulsive.  
  
"I wish I could kiss those lies from you Sherlock." Ah, there's where my knowledge of John ends and where my desires begin. I knew it would come to this, it always does. Too bad I haven't learned to keep this version of John close enough to reality to keep him from shattering.  
  
"I know, but we both know you can't. Nor can I do the same for you since we knew this was a farce the whole time." I try to keep my voice even, God I hated this part everytime. It hurts to let go of him. Even if he wasn't real.  
  
"Worth a try, wasn't it?" The vision of him becomes blurry, but his smile is as clear as ever. God it was beautiful.  
  
"Better than ever, new record. But I wish you were here." I felt my voice crack more than I heard it, along with a warmness building up behind my eyes.  
  
"So do I Sherlock, but... it is what it is." John says reassuringly, this time I feel a light pressure on my knee. Definitely not enough to be his hand.  
  
"It is what it is." I croak out, eyes closed now as I try to swallow what felt like a rock in my throat.  
  
"I have to go now, it's time love. I'll see you later." I feel the pressure on my knee recede along with the warmth.  
  
"Soon." I corrected to the now, and always, empty room.  
  
_Why he had to go_  
_I don't know, he wouldn't say_  
_I said something wrong_  
_Now I long for yesterday_  
  
I lay back down on the couch and reached under it, feeling for a box.  
  
"Gotcha." I whisper, pulling it out and opening it. I missed this, I know this will make it quiet. All of it. I set up my hit, flicking the needle to get rid of the bubbles and tying the rubber band tight around my arm. I take a deep breath and plunge the needle in, pushing it down.  
  
Now we wait.  
  
I take the note out of the box and leave it on the sidetable. I weigh it down with the box and the now empty syringe, wondering how long it will take for someone to find me. Probably a few days, a week of I was especially unlucky. I already set up my Will and Testament, not too suspicious for the circumstances I find myself in.  
  
I see a flash of gold in the corner of my eye, followed by blue. Ah. It's already starting then. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, I may as well enjoy my last high.  
  
I know someone wouldn't me find this time.  
  
Instead of hearing anything like how I normally did I felt a warmth, like someone who's afraid to touch. I relaxed and the pressure felt real, but as light as a blanket. My curls were brushed away and my breathing deepened. A kiss to my forehead, like a concerned lover. I almost opened my eyes. Too much effort. I couldn't feel my thoughts anymore. Correction. My thoughts were water.  
  
Now I heard a voice, but I couldn't understand it. I couldn't understand anything beyond his petting, like he was beckoning me to him farther into the water like a siren. Too late to turn back now anyway. So I waded into the stream and let go.  
  
I don't know how much time has passed but I felt myself slipping. Finally everything was quiet. This time I felt a soft kiss to my lips and I relaxed even more, not having enough energy to even try to kiss back. I felt loved, finally. I let go with last words tainting my lips. I didn't know if they were mine.  
  
"I love you. Even if you didn't."  
  
_Yesterday_  
_Love was such an easy game to play_  
_Now I need a place to hide away_  
_Oh, I believe in yesterday..._


End file.
